Last 3 Tips

So we are at the end, and these last three tips. They really mesh together, and are probably the most forgotten in relationships.

Checking In

One thing we often forget to do in relationships is check in with our significant other. How often do you ask, “Are you happy,” “Are you satisfied” or “What could I be doing better?” We get into a place in our marriages, where we feel its going great because we (individually) are happy. But what about your spouse, just because you are happy, does not mean that he/she is. We all perceive things differently-so do not assume that because you are happy, your spouse feels the same. Also, internally, we are afraid of the truth. So if you ask this question, and the answer is “No, I am not happy” then the what next comes into play. We hear no, but interpret, he/she doesn’t want me anymore. You will go through phases in your marriage, where you are honestly not happy. But this is where you communicate, learn, and grow. So check in with your spouse, as life changes, people change and grow. So communicate and grow together. Do not be afraid of the answer, be afraid of what may happen if you do not ask the question. I propose that you check in with your significant other at least every 6 months.

9. Dating (have fun)

When was the last time you’ve been on a date? Take a minute, think about it. How often did you date when you were courting? I know you are probably thinking “life gets in the way, we work, have kids, etc.” I get that; I am guilty of it. However, we have to make time for the things that are important in your life. What are the 3 most important things in your life? How much time do you dedicate to those things, and what is the result? Take time to shut off the world and give attention to each other. Carve out at least one night every two weeks-at least- for just you two. Low on funds, when the kids go to bed, put the phones in a different room, and enjoy a nice dinner and in-home movie. Better yet, have drinks in the kitchen or on the patio and refer to #8 above~ check in with each other.

10. Never Give Up

There is so much  more I could say, but this last tip sums it up: Never Give Up. Never stop loving, and never stop trying. It can be easier said than done, because quitting and walking away is often easier than going through the fire and hard work, even though success and happiness is on the other side. Choose the road that is often not taken. Resilience is key to mastering anything in life- including your relationships.

I hope you have enjoyed some of the many marriage tips I have shared over the course of two weeks. If you have any, that can give me and others insight, please share below. And click the link below for a poem by Maya Angelou that will perfectly sum it all up.

 

 

 

Making Decisions Together~Tip 7

One of the hardest things to understand as a newly married couple is how important it is to make decisions together. We often need those hard lessons to teach us this. Purchasing a car, plane ticket, or even a pair of shoes can have serious reparations on your relationships. When decisions aren’t made together, two things stick out: you are still operating with an independent mindset, and poor communication.

Your money is no longer YOUR money, your car is no longer YOUR car. Marriage is all inclusive, meaning once you exchange the I’s for a We, there are no exceptions. You are now responsible for each other, so consider how you loaning that one broke cousin $100 will impact your finances. I look at it as a great thing. I no longer feel bad about not loaning money. My excuse is: My husband said we can’t afford it. Don’t judge me, lol, my heart can be soft so I need an out😜. He doesn’t mind being the fall guy if that prevents us from making unnecessary mistakes, purchases, etc.

But the bottom line: communicate with your spouse before making decisions. Trust his/ her instincts.

It’s my anniversary!!

At the beginning of next week, I’ll get back to regular content. But I wanted to take time to celebrate love and the things I’ve learned over the years. Be patient, I am halfway through.

Tip #6

Your Spouse Should Be Your Best Friend.

This is not rocket science, however, this is not something that always happens before marriage (I’m proof). However, if there is anyone you should have the greatest relationship with-it is your spouse. If you celebrate news first, disclose pitfalls and setbacks with anyone other than your spouse- You are wrong!!! As you should be the number one supporter for your spouse, he/she should be this for you as well.

C121F676-6280-4147-BC6E-EBDE6BD4FAE2Going back to my last post, keeping people out of your business, if your spouse is your best friend, there’s less room for others to criticize, judge,  or have so much input in your life. When thinking of fun vacations, enjoying good dinners, movies and long talks with, who comes to mind? When you need to cry, who is the first person you will call? If there is something I wish someone would’ve told me, about marriage, it would’ve been: to always have a friendship inside your marriage. Some people won’t get that, I’ll try to break it down:

When you are dating, what is your aim? To get married, have kids? When you’re married, the goal is to stay married right? 😆 But nowhere in there is the goal of becoming and maintaining a good friendship. Ultimately the goal should be to become great friends first and marry your best friend. But if you’re backwards like me, ish doesn’t always happen that way! So while you are focusing on being a great wife or husband, also focus on being great friends. One of the things that has maintained my relationship, and others that I know, is that they just genuinely get along really well.

86D1FE29-F7E6-4FC4-9D05-B8ECF74FCC2B

 

Tip #5

Don’t Lose Yourself 

If you’ve read my post on What Makes a Successful Marriage, then you’ve read this tip before. If you haven’t, click the link below.

I have never been that person to always want to be “boo’d up.” I actually enjoy being alone. Over the course of these past 10 years, I learned that doing things independently is sometimes warranted. Now that can be as big as vacationing with your friends, to as small as visiting your family on the weekend or spending the day out of the house. But carving out time to “do you” is a necessity so you don’t lose yourself.

One common theme in divorces is at least one spouse saying “I don’t know who I am anymore.” We get married and focus on being a great spouse and a amazing parent, but what about YOU? Self care is a key factor in overall health and satisfaction in general.

Take care of yourself. Spend time alone, or hanging with friends. Allow yourself time to miss your spouse, and make up for it later.😜

What Makes a Marriage Successful?