Check on Someone Today

We have all seen the stats come across our timelines, cell phones and/or tv screens of depression, bullying, abuse and suicide. I can discuss and post many of those here but I would like to do something different instead.

With today being World Mental Health Day, let’s ask someone how they are doing. I do not mean the typical “How ya doin” when you want something or respectful the phone etiquette. I am talking about a meaningful “Hey friend, how are YOU today?” You would be surprised at how many people are 1. Not doing fine, and 2. Was simply glad that someone took out the time to ask.

We get so caught up in our own lives and situations, that we (sometimes) forget to do good things -that don’t cost a thing.  You may save a life today, or give someone renewed hope. Let’s be a light today in someone else’s life.

Featured image courtesy of Fully Flourished

Our Relationship with Fear

I have this little book with all of the things I would like to accomplish. They say in order to live out your dreams, you have to see them on paper and get them out of that safe place (in your head). Well, first of all, I do not know who “they” is, second, writing them out does not always help. True, keeping your dreams and goals in your head (protected space is what I call it) can drastically reduce the chance of putting those goals into fruition. But I have learned that writing them down does not always get you closer. What gets you closer, is the actually putting in the work. So why do not we put in the work? I know one reason why, her name is fear. Why is fear a she you may wonder? I can only speak of for me, a woman. Here are some reasons that we live in fear:

1. We (women) are very protective of their families and rather be safe than take big risks that may put their family finances in jeopardy.
2. It is easier to never start than be told no and fail.
3. We often don’t believe in ourself and capabilities. We fill our heads with “who will listen, what do I have to offer, what if I am not good enough?” (I have been guilty of these self-deprecating statements).
4. We allow society to distinguish what our place is.

While some of those statements may be true, also understand what comes with being fearful.
1. Never living up to your true self.
2. Always wondering “what if.”
3. Giving in to the narrative.

Don’t give in to the narrative. It is better to be told no, or to have tried and failed, than to never try at all. Keep this in mind: 409 got its name because it (took the two scientists that created it) 409 times to get it right. Fear is an illusion, do not give it life.

What fear have you had to overcome?

Note: The statements above are solely the opinion of the author.

How Outsiders Influence your Relationship

Everyone knows the saying “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas,” Or “Lose lips sink ships.” Why is this not the same in marriages? Why are outsiders allowed to have an influence on what occurs in your home?

First, let’s recognize who the “outsiders” are that I’m referring to. My definition of outsider: anyone who doesn’t live with you (laugh…but I’m serious). Yes, this means your mama too. This is not to say that you can’t have conversations with your friends. But going into detail about the events that occur in your home produces the following consequences:

1: You open the door for others to have opinions on your life. You may not think this, but usually when you vent, cry, or complain or praise of your relationship, a response will follow.

2. When you express these concerns to others, do you trust they will keep your information confidential? So now you’ve possibly (unknowingly) discussed your relationship woes with more than one person.

3. Domestic conflict. Including others in your marital business will cause conflict with your spouse, and trust may decline. He/she may not trust that you will respect the confidentiality of what goes on in your home.

This is not to say, not have a close friend that you can confide in from time to time. We all need that,right? On a TV show I recently seen, the couple met with two other couples and they would get together monthly and discuss their problems and work on resolution as a team. If this works for you-great. However, there should be an understanding of what shall not leave the home.

Once you marry, that is your New union~a separation from your own life, depending on your culture/religion. One way to decrease conflict in your home is by not letting others in. Don’t let friends, family, or loved ones have power over your life.

Let’s Talk About Sex: the truth about foreplay.

I have two questions: 1. What is your definition of foreplay, and 2. Do you like foreplay?
Well, honestly, I haven’t met one person who doesn’t like foreplay😁. But first, let’s take a deep dive into what foreplay is, because to each person, the definition differs. According to Oxford dictionary, foreplay is “sexual activity that precedes intercourse.” I really would like to know how old that definition is (ha ha).I’m assuming that their meaning of “sexual activity” is petting, kissing, oral stimulation (massaging) etc. But let’s be honest here: depending on the length of your relationship, language of love, foreplay can be completely different. Now let’s explore that.
For some foreplay starts with the first kiss, first thing in the morning…even if your breath stinks. There are others who are turned on if their significant other takes responsibilities off your hand such as: cooking, washing dishes, running errands, bathing the kids, cutting the grass, ironing clothes. Foreplay can also be taking the initiative and paying a bill, being spontaneous!
According to an article in Psychology Today “Intercourse is not the key to most women’s sexual satisfaction.” So what does that mean for you? This means that the majority of women are not automatically turned on by sexual advances 5 minutes before you want to have sex…I’m just delivering the message!🤷🏾‍♀️
Foreplay is not just about physical touch, but also emotional and mental stimulation. Foreplay does not start right before sex, it starts first thing in the morning.
So tomorrow morning, start by asking your significant other, “Tell me what I can do to make your day lighter today?” I have tons of other questions I’d like to offer, but I want to read your responses? What do you wish your spouse/significant other would do more, or less of to put you in the mood? Or what do you do at home (already) that works for you? Let’s chat!