Keeping People Out of Your Business!

There is this term we like to use in therapy: enmeshment. To be enmeshed is having an unhealthy sense of closeness where boundaries are not visible (learn this word). I grew up in a very enmeshed household and we were so close, still are, where knowing each other’s business was just sort of a way of protecting one another and keeping each other in the loop on our life. But let me tell you, that ish goes down hill really quick.  Living and speaking too freely with people about matters that don’t concern them, will effect your relationship to brink of divorce. When you allow people into your personal matters, you are giving them a right to inserting their opinion. There are certain friends that call me, and my response is “are you asking your friend, or a therapist?” Because sometimes, as friends and family, we want to be the protector but our judgments get in the way of the advice we give.

I am not saying not to have that trusted friend or parent that you go to. But just like you should pick your battles in your relationship, choose your disclosures wisely with those around you. Not everyone needs to know your business. This is probably the ONLY thing I got right from the very beginning lol.

When you think of talking to that certain someone about your marital woes, consider the following:

1. What is their relationship like?

2. How can he/she help me? If they can’t help offer positive insight, take your venting elsewhere. No need for a judgemental friend.

3. Can I trust this person?

 

Published by KSaloneCoach

Kasey is a Relationship Coach that specializes in couples who struggle with communication, intimacy and boundaries in their relationships. With a Masters Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy, she has learned how to work with complex systems and understand the profound effect of collaboration. Kasey has helped hundreds of people work through their challenges, and enhance their relationships. Not just through her education, but as a United States Navy Veteran, Kasey has traveled the world and experienced first hand the various ways that love is communicated. Also through her military service, Kasey learned the core values of honor, courage and commitment, and has applied it to her businesses and relationships. She believes that the client is the expert on their own lives and success is the result of client willingness and the relationship with the coach. Her goal is to create loving, lasting and cohesive relationships-no matter where you are in your journey. Kasey and her husband, a 21 year servicember the United States Navy, have been married for 12 years, have 3 children, a dog, and tons of memories from their various duty stations. Kasey’s new podcast A Melanated Mess, will be available in July. Also she has written for Queens Uniting, a non profit organization and Military Spouse Behavioral Health Clinicians (MSBHC). You can find Kasey on Instagram and Facebook @ksalonecoach. She recently completed her first relationship e-workbook, 5 Senses of Love, which is available on her website www.ksalone.com.

2 thoughts on “Keeping People Out of Your Business!

  1. Keeping your business to yourself is very important. Sometimes even those friends that you can trust don’t need to know what’s going on in your marriage. Even if you have a best best friend, if they are not married they can’t offer solid advice without being a protector. My thing is, like you stated in a previous post, your husband should be your best friend and you all should be able to discuss everything that is going on within your marriage good and bad.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I learned this early on because neither my mother nor grandmother is married. So my thought was, “how can they help me?” And I think I just carried that over to friendships too. Sometimes our best friends, may mean well because they love us, but if they haven’t had this type of relationship, it can be hard for them to empathize.

      Like

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