2/3: Accepting the Bad with the Good/Picking Your Battles
I referenced in the last post how rough the first years of marriage can be. Even though it is the honeymoon period, it is also an adjustment period as well. Another thing I learned during the first few years is accepting the good with the bad. I wanted everything to be perfect, and be that couple that never has any problems-no marriage will ever be like this. Yet, I figured mine would be the exception. I wanted to “fix” the bad things about him so much, that I forgot focus on the all the great things he brought to the relationship. After worrying, stressing and consistently trying to make him “perfect,” I neglected how amazing he was (still is). So what if your guy leaves the toilet seat up, has one beer a night after work, or if your wife leaves hair in the sink-will that be detrimental to your marriage….NO!
This is called nitpicking, and I was guilty. Did it hurt me, my kids, our finances, lifestyle, etc.? It didn’t. Ask yourself, how does him leaving the toilet seat up going to ruin my marriage? If this is the worst thing about your marriage, you just may have found a keeper.
I always tell my friends when they first enter a relationship: identify the negatives/red flags. Then ask yourself if they are deal breakers for you. This is how you learn, early on, if these actions will have a severe effect on your relationship in the future.
Pick your battles. Think before you speak. Ask yourself: is this conversation necessary, will it change the course of our marriage? Will it make our marriage better?