I want to take you on a journey over then next week or so. As I am nearing my 10 year anniversary, I compiled 10 things I learned over the years. I am sure there is more than that, but as I was thinking, these are what came to mind first. As I take you on this journey, feel free to comment with your own experiences and advice-all is welcome.
Let’s start off with Patience 🤦🏾♀️
Patience is always easier said than done, right? Not everyone has it, not everyone wants it to be honest, because they understand how hard it is to attain. But if you reach this level of difficulty, it is half the battle. The first year of marriage was very rough. I questioned why we did this, if it’s worth it and was like “this isn’t even fun!” This is not just for those who lived separately like we did, but for everyone. Even for those who cohabited before marriage assumed things will cross over smoothly, but that is not always true-for the most part.
Not only are you merging all of your valuables, who’s furniture is going, sharing closet space, curfew time (this changes in marriages y’all lol)- simple things like this becomes extremely complicated and frustrated. You also have to determine whether to merge accounts, or keep them independent, whether to the man pays the mortgage and the woman pays the other stuff, or does it all come from one pot. Oh, and the big one….will this person finally change now that we are married (most of the time no…sorry).
After being married for 10 years, in 9 days, I learned that it took at least three years for us to be comfortable. It seemed like a long time then, but that was nothing!! After a rough first year, year two was a do over, and at year three we felt more settled and was glad we stuck it through.
I can go on about having patience. Just know that nothing changes over night, and marriage doesn’t changes behaviors-especially not in the beginning. The first year is rough because we expect this perfect fairytale during this honeymoon phase. In actuality, this is quite an adjustment, and many people don’t make it, because it does not appear to be what we initially thought. Be patient, steer the course, it will balance out. But enjoy the process until then!