Love is great, better than great actually. We all have a desire to experience this amazing feeling. However, even though we can’t escape heartbreak, we can learn how to better navigate relationships by truly understanding ourselves. Mistakes are inevitable, and truth be told, we learn (mostly) through our mistakes. But I want to highlight common mistakes that are often made at one point or another in our relationships.
1. Believing you are ready for one.
Remember when your parents try to tell you that guy or gal isn’t a good fit, or too grown for you? What usually happens, we never listen right….parents end up being right every time (trust their experience 😉).
I work in trauma therapy and I see people moving forward in new relationships without dealing with past trauma, such as pain and abuse, from past relationships, or even grief. Entering new relationships with past trauma is unfair to the new significant other, and also sets the relationship up for failure. (Stay tuned for my next post on this.)
When dealing with trauma, we are not always in the right place to be in a relationship. Whether it be emotionally, working hard to build your career or education,etc. Be honest with yourself before leading someone else on. If you are not stable enough, meaning you have baggage or personal situations that will get in the way of the relationship, choose YOU first!
2. Not discussing expectations.
Oooh, this is the BIG one. Have you ever broken up with a guy or girl because you were not on the same page-6 months after dating? This happens so much! We look at physical and sexual attributes of the people we date, without having true conversations about what we are looking for (long term, short term goals, relocation). These are very important conversations and often lead to the demise of a relationship.
4. Wanting to fix someone.
I have been guilty of this😑! I read somewhere a long time ago that men date women for who they are and women date men for who they have the potential to be. When you shop for a car, do you look for a fixer upper, with the potential to be great, or one that’s already in great condition? You can’t go into a relationship wanting to fix someone; you’re often left disappointed and waste years on someone to be what they showed you years earlier they were not.
Like I stated earlier, mistakes happen and that’s how we grow. But take time to learn yourself, deal with your past, and make sure you are whole before taking on new relationships.